How to Support a Grieving Friend: Do’s and Don’ts
When someone close to us loses a loved one, the desire to help often collides with the fear of saying or doing the wrong thing. Grief is overwhelming, and the way we show up as friends and family can make a lasting impact. Offering genuine support isn’t about finding the perfect words — it’s about being thoughtful, respectful, and present.
This post shares practical do’s and don’ts for supporting a grieving friend or family member. These insights are drawn from lived experience and common grief etiquette, so you can feel confident offering comfort in a way that truly helps.
Do: Send Thoughtful, Handwritten Support
Handwritten words carry a weight that digital messages often lack. A simple card that acknowledges the loss and includes the person’s name shows care and presence. Mentioning the loved one by name keeps their memory alive and reminds your grieving friend that their life mattered.
Don’t: Make It About You
Grief can leave people with very little emotional energy. Avoid centering yourself with phrases like, “I feel like I should do something —what can I do?” This creates pressure for the grieving person to direct your actions. Instead, phrase support as an open offer: “I’m thinking of you and here to step in when you need me.” This keeps the focus where it belongs — on them.
Do: Offer Specific, Practical Help
If you’re close to the person, you’ll likely know where support is most useful. Meals are a common way to help, but instead of simply dropping food off, check in first. You might say, “I’d like to bring a few dishes this week — does a certain night work, or would a gift card be better?” Gift cards can be especially valuable when the initial wave of home-cooked meals slows down. Other helpful offers might include childcare, errands, or household tasks, but respect their response if they decline.
Don’t: Overstep or Demand Details
Reading the vibe matters. If you aren’t especially close, a card, flowers, or a memorial donation is often the most respectful gesture. Avoid prying into the circumstances of the loss — asking for details about how someone passed only adds to the emotional burden. Grieving friends don’t need to manage extra texts or phone calls explaining their pain.
Do: Acknowledge Grief as Ongoing
The funeral may end, but grief doesn’t. It remains a constant presence, reshaping daily life long after services are over. Check in with your friend weeks or months later. Ask how they’re doing, mention their loved one by name, and don’t shy away from the subject. Small reminders that you remember and care can bring tremendous comfort.
Don’t: Assume “They’re Over It”
One of the most hurtful assumptions is that grief is something left behind. Continuing to send thoughtful cards or gifts — on anniversaries, birthdays, or “just because” — is a way to honor their ongoing grief and show that you respect their journey.
Supporting a Friend Through Grief Matters
Supporting someone who’s grieving isn’t about solving their pain — it’s about offering compassion without adding pressure. By focusing on small, specific actions and avoiding common missteps, you can be a steady, meaningful presence during one of life’s hardest seasons.
For more practical guidance, compassionate phrases, and tips on grief etiquette, download the free Grief Etiquette 101 from Juliette & Genevieve. It’s designed to help you feel more confident and prepared when supporting friends and family through loss.